Archive for August, 2006

Sex Sells

I found it just a bit curious that the Belgrade Philharmonic Orchestra and a Bosnian motor oil manufacturer use the same advertising means. After all, there is a calendar on both (on the back side in Optima’s case), girls have appropriate gadgets for what they are selling (baton / pink diving mask and a tennis racquet) and both women are naturally blonde!

P.S. Notice the pose of the girl in pink and the girl sitting on the bonnet on the top of this page.

August 31, 2006 at 11:04 pm 4 comments

Of Mice and Flags

“Suppose we’ve chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we’re just making him madder and madder”

Ever since Serbia became a sovereign entity, we’ve been bombarded with our new national anthem and flag. I’m not the type to sing any anthem at a stadium, nor will I have any respect for a piece of cloth with some colors on it, so I shouldn’t care less. But, I do.

Serbia, although our grandparents fought many bloody battles to put an end to a brutal monarchy, has a crown on its flag. There is a Byzantine cross there, and a Byzantine double headed eagle. And I hate that those Byzantine firesteels are interpreted as four letters S (probably having something to do with Serbia), while they are in fact stylized B’s, and stand for Basileus Basileon Basileuon Basileusin (“King of kings, ruling over kings”). I was afraid for a moment that Serbs had a pagan Slavic tradition, but it seems we are in fact direct ancestors of the Palaiologos dynasty.

As a crown on our crowned flag, we don’t have a national anthem, but rather a prayer. The song is, ironically, about God saving the Serbs from a world conspiracy, and is in imperative in its entirety, with the noun being the God. God forbid somebody went out on the street and polled people if they believe in any god, resurrection or how often they go to church.

Now, compare that to the Slovenian anthem, which celebrates all the nations of the world who want all people to be free and that all men free, no more shall foes, but neighbors be!

Next time I participate in an Olympic event, I won’t win the gold on principle!

August 25, 2006 at 8:51 pm 19 comments

Game Day Buddy

Serbian sports commentators are not, what you would call, “professional.” In fact, they are more like your next-door neighbor who keeps coming, with a beer in his hand, to watch games on your TV set because his TV broke down back when Saraejevan Pape Sušić was our player. That guy, although you wouldn’t like to be seen in public together, amuses you with his drunken and incompetent comments and you both know why you watch women’s beach volleyball.

One such commentator is Duško Kleka Korać, an employee of the Serbian state television. He became rather (in)famous for covering a handball match between Yugoslavia and Croatia, when he linked every scored goal to an injustice caused by evil Croats during the war. He kept it low for a while, but came back into the public eye when he interrupted a track and field coverage the other day to say what he thinks of B92 Forum participants’ jokes about him.

Here is my best translation of what he said:

When one talks a lot, mistakes are bound to happen, so one shouldn’t be too harsh about it. However, we’ve been informed that a site of a certain media of the Belgrade Socialist Youth and Soros (WTF!?) keeps mouth washing the RTS, foremost the sport commentators. The answer to the patients of the site they call Forum is that in medicine, parapsychopathology, I mean psychopathology, a well known fact is that abstinence causes verbal or physical aggressiveness. However, according to Morgan, the guy before Darwin, humans came about by using both hands, and not just one. As a Christian, I forgive them that, because lowers get the kingdom of heaven. I will accept critique, but not primitive insults.

I really want to know what an average Joe’s face looked like when he uttered those words.

August 16, 2006 at 8:19 pm Leave a comment

Amoebian Script

The script debate seems to be as old as the Serbian people: does the Latin or the Cyrillic alphabet have bigger penis? Well, if you read Sunday’s Politika, which featured several opinion pieces on how to deal with a language with two scripts, that would be the aftertaste.

The language formerly known as Serbo-Croatian can be written using either Cyrillic or Latin. In fact, Ljudevit Gaj created the Latin alphabet after Karadžić’s Cyrillic mapping it 1 for 1. Over time, for any possible reasons, Serbs started using both. When the last wars started, particularly stupid Serbs decided that Latin => Croatian => Catholic => Jewish Conspiracy QED. But the fact is that people still use both scripts. For example, in Republika Srpska, all road signs are in Cyrillic, but most company names or advertisements are in Latin.

As a part of a newly found identity, some Serbs have tried to prove how Cyrillic is the True Serbian Script. The punishment of God came shortly after (presumably because the Bible explicitly says Christians should not have more than one God, while Serbs also worship a script, Radovan Karadžić, and Volkswagen Golf), in a form of the fact that Serbian traditional writing system involved full bladder and fresh snow. I don’t care either way, as long as we don’t make a farce out of it.

I have a reputation of a traitor to maintain here, so let’s bust some myths:

Myth Explanation
Cyrillic is endagered. It’s not. Take any school textbook for example, or plethora of books printed in Cyrillic that will hopefully not be burnt.
It is the true Serbian script. AHA , NARAVNO (yeah, right)
St. Sava is turning in his grave because we use Latin. He’s not. The Turks burnt his remains.
Cyrillic looks nicer. It might, but Latin takes less space when printed, thus making books more environmentaly friendly and affordable.
Street signs in Cyrillic will preserve Serbian culture. They won’t, they’ll just confuse western visitors.
You don’t really want to discuss this seriously, do you? No, it’s a silly populist topic.
But it’s of defining interest to our people! Just be pragmatic about it, and use the script which makes most sense in the given circumstances.

.

August 8, 2006 at 9:36 am 9 comments


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